| ok.... |
[23 Sep 2003|10:50pm] |
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so i dont want to make a big deal out of it, it kinda is, it kinda isnt. and i think i may be a little over dramatic about it....but this really kinda ticks me off. like the first time i think "maybe he'll give me a raise this time" he thinks i get fucking 6.25????????????? what? i dont understand? i dont know if it was because it was a big pay check and he didnt want to give me that much money, i dont understand. i dont get it. like the one thing im so proud of and happy for, its just like BAM you suck. i so was like. i dont understand. it doesnt make sense. whatever.
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[09 Sep 2003|10:32pm] |
ok im having my first "college stress" im very pissed cuz i dont understand my math homework, and my fucking mom is all up in my face about it. UGHHHHHHHHH i cant standddddddddd it when she does thissssssss. shes getting me so agggrivated.
and i need to work on my essay for ceramics, and now i think i need some tutoring but um hi hello, when do i have time? tommorow after school i would, but i cant call the lady in such short time. and thursday i have school till like 5. i can do it friday but ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im just in such a bad mood cuz my mom wont leave me the fuck alone. i hate it when she does this. uuugggggghhhhhhh. i feel like yelling so hard. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. fuckkkkkkkk. oh my lord. i just want to understand my math homework. i really think that like math is some sort of fucking talent. because your brain has to like fucking twist and im blabbing. but seriously math=die. and if this is the review section and i am having trouble, i hope it wont get even harder. and i havent eaten dinner, and NOW im starting to get hungry. god fuck this, its already 10:40. AAAAGGGHHH. at least i dont have work tommorow. and class is at 9. im still fucking angry. whatever. im going to go kill myself by trying to do math.
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[28 Jul 2003|04:04pm] |
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i hope kristen dont think im like choosing bryan over her in any way. with this whole journal thingy and stuff. this journal was just a different journal, and now is shwatever... but yeahhh.....
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[06 Jul 2003|10:50pm] |
i just got a really werd feeling. a bad one. an ugly one.
kristen is leaving soon. she actually has a countdown. its weird.
things suck. but they dont...but at the same time they kinda do. i duno.
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| my ears hurt... |
[05 Jul 2003|04:57pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
i am having a weird feeling... it is like a neutral feeling. i am not sure if i like this feeling. i mean i kinda do, it is better then a bad one. but i try to think about certain things and i kinda just shrug.
i want to do something different. melanie left today, it sucks cuz i think we may go to the beach tonight. that is somehting exciting. so we will have fun there. i was thinking i might meet up with robert too. i went to P.F. chang's today with my fellow employees. it was very yummy. but work was boring.
i think maybe its cuz i finally got my period today. maybe. but im gonna go now...
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[01 Jul 2003|01:05am] |
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i feel like poo. and i want to cry on someones shoulder and i dont know who i could do it to. well yes i lied i do know a couple people i could. but i cant you know? i cant bring myself to ever cry to people. and whatever, im just being retarded. but i hate this. because i basically know that pms brings these feelings upon me, but everytime ive been getting these feeligns so far it seems like each month becomes closer and closer to each other, and each month becomes to feel the same. i feel that i have no time to get away from these feelings that they just keep coming back, and im losing myself. and i know that birth control pills help the physical aspects of a period, but does it help emotional ones? because if they do,i think its time to start poppin' those. i mean, i dunno. because every month i say the same thing, i say its just pms, and then i rethink it, and im like "is it pms? or am i just being STUPID?" so i dont know what to do. i hate it though. it feels awful and ugh i dont know.
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| im just kind of bored... |
[23 Jun 2003|01:21am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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summer has been treating me good i guess. work a lot, but have free time. its nice. except im itchy! and i think i got something from one of the animals! hahah that sounds so nsaty and dirty, but hey whatever. i work with animals that are nasty and dirty lol.
alan is driving me insane.
i seriously think that im going to die single lol. a single virgin. im telling you. either that, or im going to go through out college a virgin i bet. and i going to be the only girl thats never "experienced" the wonderful world of sex. and everyones gonna laugh at me and say hahaha youre a virgin?! and one day i'll be so sad, (i will be like 30 by this time) and im just going to give myself up as a prostitute. that way i will experience hot love every night lol. i will still be sad, but at least i will have the sex. haaa. im such a loser. shwatever.
now i know like for seriously that kristen found my journal. she has the gaystr8alliance community as one of her friends, and i know for sure that she didnt go around searching for it. she probably saw it on one of mine or bryans journals and added it to her list. and she doesnt know how to be discreet, cuz when she is, she is way too discreet and i can tell. so whatever. at first i was scared tha she wouldnt look at my earlier entries, but ive kinda gottent to oh well whatever cuz if shes gonna be like that then she can be nosey and read all my personal thoughts, if she doesnt like them too bad she cant do anything about it. if she didnt see that that was why i didnt tell her about this one in the first place. whatever. too late, what can i say. she read, it she read it. oh in the shwell....
i may go swimming tommorow maybe with xavier....?
im passing out. good night.
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| mother fucker |
[19 Jun 2003|02:45pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
] |
today was a weird day...
got in a fight with my mom in the morning which pissed me off...ugh...then i came to work and that didnt help much, damn man. the doctor can drive me INSANE sometimes. like seriously...lol i swear i almost broke down today cuz he kept oh my god i cant even explain. first he'd tell me oh fix these rabies certificates, no what are you doing? go fix this bill, put a name on this file, make a new one, come over here and help me, why'd you put this on the bill, no not this, this, no not that, come over here. and i was like ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! and then i was pissed off at him, pissed off at my mom, i wanted to scream. man fucken crazy is what he is.
but on the brighter side, i got a cool new pink scrub. i say scrub, because i only got the shirt, the pants fit really really funny.
some guy doing construction broke the water pipe today, so i had to walk across the street to use roadhouse grills.
i need to go to the dermatologist in case im getting my psoriasis thingy again. /: im gonna die.
i think i may go over to the clubhouse and go get a tan and maybe go swimming by myself. somehting out of the ordinary. my sister is over there fishing with her boyfriend...i think i'll go do that. peace out.
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[12 May 2003|06:43pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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First Ten....All About You
#1) What do you wish was your name?: i like my name
#2) What song seems to reflect you the most?: what song i wish reflected me is this pink song 18 wheeler
#3) What thing always makes your day when it happens/ you see it?:umm, when i get notes from my friends, when i talk to some people, when i feel that i've done something productive.
#4) If you could change one of your qualitites, what would it be and why?: have a less chubbier chin!
#5) What in your life influences you the most?: working at the vet clinic
#6) What has been your wildest/best/most interesting fantasy? ummm pool tables, and ghetto guys, and a scene with a repair man, lol
#7) Which feature of yours do you love? Which do you hate?: i like my eyes, and i hate....my chin and....my thighs, and....yep i can go on.
#8) If you had to have a picture be your symbol, what would it be and why?: ???
#9) What would you title the movie or soundtrack of your life?:wtf?
#10) What are you most dissapointed with so far?: society, everyone, well not everyone, just people in general, yes ok society
Next Five....About Others
#1) What one quality makes a person worth being around?: funny, cautious but not too self conscious
#2) What one thing about a friend always pisses you off?: joking too much like joking around, but being rude at the same time.acting like their 5, being a fucking idiot and stuck up and ignorant.
#3) Ok, now vent your worst people experience: worst people experience? i have a lot i can ramble on about...
#4) What is a major turn on?: girls-good style, dark features, guys-being ghetto(lol jk), confident but not cocky, good style/hair, yummy eyes and stomach, yummy smell.
#5) If you could create the perfect person, what three qualities would they
have and what would they look like?: i dont think you can just point out only 3 qualities. of course everyones gonna say stuff like trust and faithfulness and funny and sweet, oh shut up.
Last Five....About Life
#1) What confuses you the most about life?:everything. why we're here, how we're here, what happens after we're here, why are we the way we are, fate? fate would be the number one thing that confuses me.
#2) What's one thing that goes on that makes you wanna scream?: once again, one thing? i usually scream when i get mad at stupid things, or when i drive lol, or when i get really stressed and want to explode
#3) Which matters more, people's words or actions? Why?: um both? but maybe words.
#4) Does love really make the world go round? omg...die
#5) What one issue is most important to you?: turning thick headed people into understanding, and helping animals.ok thats two. and respect, thats three.
blah! ok friends is on. i hate fucking pop ups. we need to rent a hotel already...i want to sew something and get fabric from joann's. i want to get a free smoothie but not really see katie.....whatever. peace.
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| hmm |
[01 May 2003|04:59pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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i did not go to school today. it felt real good. woke up at 11, was supposed to wake up at 1030, but i suck. my alarm went off and im like im just gonna lay here for like 5 more minutes, i wake up, HALF AN HOUR later. lol so i did all of my chores since my momma aint home. fed the dogs, fixed veggies, and grits for all 4 of my birds, took a shower (i do that when my moms home as well lol well most of the time), then i was off to another school, haha, killian. i met up with bryan and walked around his ghetto ass school. i didnt stay for too long, but it was cool. his invitations are still sitting in my car, and have probably set fire cuz its so fucking hot outside. what is with the weather?eh?
man matt still tries to talk to me. not 21,000 year old matt, but the other one. ok i have to go bryan just called me back.
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[25 Apr 2003|04:23pm] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
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well just got home. its a friday. thank god its friday. does a little dance. kinda. oh man lunch was frickin hiiiiillllarious today. "raw power, no, more like raw ass" and kristen falling off her chair. jens face is so fucking hilarious when she laughs hard. she looks like a pruny tomatoe. hahaha. but yes. last night was odd. getting hit on by an old spanish dude, and almost getting raped in the parking garage by a ghetto guy. EW. is all i have to say. guys are fucking disgusting pigs, and should get kicked in the nuts. especially ones that need VIAGRA and hit on 16 year olds!!! what the hell???? whatever. i asked myself later on, why i wasnt more aggressive and told them to fuck off that they shouldnt even have the time of day from me. learn some fucking manners, and dont treat girls like their pieces of meat, and you "like what you see". man fuck you. what the hell does that mean? NOTHING. GROSS. i felt so dirty afterwards. BLEH
too bad menasche missed lunch, but maybe it was so fun cuz it was just us girls.
i have now come to "neutral". before people would ask how are you and i'd think im alright i guess. but now im kind of just there. not a good, not a bad. im just THERE. which i think is pretty good for right now. im pmsing so, yes, i can get pissy here and there. that other night was depressing, but ive loved my relationship with bryan more and more. im sticking in with work at hot topic for now. gives me something to do. work at the animal clinic is good. should get paid soon. i get my pay check today actualyl from h.t. so whatever. life is in the middle right now, ups, downs, here and there. like i said im just kind of neutral...
im gonna try to go in early to sunset place today. i would like to shop for myself at forever 21, maybe urban, these stores down by wet seal. im kind of looking for a cute short but not too short skirt. i jsut found out that the girls at hollister HAVE to wear skirts when they work. fucking sick. im guessing they'd never hire a fat girl. theyre all skinny girls. but maybe fat girls dont even try to apply. whatever, its still sick.
gonna go get ready.
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[23 Apr 2003|06:10pm] |
ay yay yay. im sorry. :( i miss theo. :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( waaaahhhhhhhh...................
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| dah |
[21 Apr 2003|10:17pm] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
] |
just got back from kickboxing...im kind of hungry, but i dont want to eat. im not really in the mood for anyting, and i cant put back on all the calories i just burned! we celebrated my grammas b day tonight when i got back with cake! i couldnt eat it! it looked so goooddddddddd.........uhhh........one more month.....
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| damn |
[19 Apr 2003|05:11pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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nada |
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this live journal thing is getting way too popular. im afraid people will find it out of mine....i think im going to make new one, so i can have one that people CAN knwo about. cuz now kristen started one for like when she goes away to college, and i want everybody to see how pretty i can make it :). i just got home from work not too long ago. oops i forgot i have ot call bryan back...i do it now. so yes i just got home. today was a crazy crazy day. but i was proud of myself because i kept up with the pace. it was fun, and surprisingly for once, i am not tired. im kind of pooped, but i dont want to just crawl up and die in my bed. i think maybe im FINALLY getting used to this. ok im waiting on the phone again for byran.
im supposed to go prom dress shopping with kristen tonight. but its 5:15 now, i need to get ready, if im hanging out with bryan later. but i dont know whats happening with that???whateva ok seriously or bryan could be busy for the rest of his life and never come to the phone. alright well im off, to go get ready for the shopping of prom dresses, and i need to eat somehting and take a shower of my smelly dog/cat haired body.
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| .i have overcome the new me. |
[15 Apr 2003|07:44pm] |
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mood |
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haha. me and mavis went to taco bell today after school, and i was just talking about how i really just dont like guys right now. it has just build up that all guys, either assholes or idiots, and matt was my breaking point to just be like OMG NO. stupid matt, and other matt. stupid matt cuz well-hes stupid. other matt because i realized i shouldnt give guys that have hurt me before another chance. im not going to let myself like him again. and i dont think i am going to even if i DID let myself. but its just like i have always had doubts in all of the guys, and i have had every right to. because, like i said, they are either assholes or idiots. im scared while i'm with them, and after its over, i notice all of what i put in the back of my head. and i dont want that anymore. im not going to waste my time on guys. i dont want to get all weird/crazy/mad/sad over guys. why should i? as of now i see no point in wanting pointless things with guys, either a "being with" somebody but "not exclusive" or even a hook-up/one night stand. i dont want to put myself down, feel dirty, and i just dont want guys. i will find someone eventually (HA), but as of right now, nothing seems appealing to me. i mean yeah guys are hot here and there, but no. i kind of just shrug my shoulders to that subject right now. whateva whateva. this is the new me. as i told mavis today lol. MOVING ON!!....
we made these cool pot holders in agriscience calss today since we got a new blade. we cut out all of the shapes and me mavi finished making ours today. im gonna take it home after he grades it, and paint it. i dont know what im goign to do with it, cuz i dont really have any plants in my house, but whatever. decoration, my masterpiece. that was after, i had like a fight with the teacher. ok we have this project and we had to list 15 sources. he tells the class to bring in the list of the sources, and bring in 29 more copies for the rest of the class to have. im the first one he called that actualyl had it, and im like i have the sources but not the copies, because its a waste of paper. and he like gives me this look like...?what am i going to do wiht you? cuz im always debating with him. and im like its a waste of paper, and hes like i'll give you paper. and im like my mom does not want me wasting up ink on 29 sheets of paper for the class, thathalf of the people here will lose anyways. and then he got all like blah blah. and i took a calculator and it showed 841 pieces of papre if we were to do that, and im like hi hello WASTE. me and the rest of the class finally got through to him. i dont know what he was thinking...? crrrrazy.
menasche has been pissing me off lately. he catches me at the wrong times to joke around with me. whatever.
school sucks, what else is new?
OFFICIAL senioritis has now kicked in. i had it before, but now its just gotten worse...
i need to go fix my prom dress
peace
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| blahhh... |
[15 Apr 2003|07:05pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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aw i was just eating cereal with my birdy:) and she was copying my eating noises.
ew i feel gross today. its so like BLAAAAHHHHHHHHH.thats how i'd describe it. BLAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.hey they have an icon thingy for blah. so yeah. i need to catch up on sleep, i have been real bad with that. i have gotten 6 hours of sleep every night of last week.i feel dead.
had pointless school today. i notice that ive been yelling at people more, because, really i dont know why, like they think i said something, but they misundertood me, but whatever. im kinda just like um ok.........whatever. thought maybe i was pmsing...but i cant be because i got my period during spring break. i dunno. im fuckign freezing in my house.
then i had intern. it was whatever. came home. bryan asked me to go with him to snakes on sunset. and at first i wanted to go, but then i just got a feeling of i just want to stay homeeeee. i dunno. i just kinda didnt want to go anywhere. i was tired, and just felt, gross...took a nap, woke up in time for kickboxing. got dressed for kickboxing, and realized i didnt want to go to that either. i dunno? im weird. so i sat home, ate some white cheddar cheese nips(so good), and watched lizzie miguire. bryan asked me to come ovr to help with theo, but i felt just like staying here. i dunno i had a weird feeling today. i dont want to go back to schoooooool. ggrrr...people piss me off, i want to go somehwere else. /:
thank god theres no schoo on friday.THANK GOD.
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| fuck |
[13 Apr 2003|09:10pm] |
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i just wrote a whole big entry, and that shit messed up.
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| omggg |
[12 Apr 2003|05:48pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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ahh just got home from work.... the day is so long. i havent stayed there that long ever. 9 hours man. wow. im hungry. jeez. im pooped. i need to figure out what i want to do about hot topic. im pretty sure i might quit. i may put in my 2 weeks sometimes soon. its too much for me. this week has been like crazy. i have like no time. if im not at hot topic, im at my other job, if not that, im being a taxi driver for my mom. i look at it, and it doesnt seem like i'm explaining that much, but its like ahh so much. cuz its just, my availability for hot topic, they give me basically all i can do. and the days i can work are weekdays, and i get home late, and im tired, and i can hardly stay up in school,(even though before i couldnt anyways). im sick of hot topic, and i think i have come to the conclucion that i want to quit. well i mean not just drop it like its hot hahaha but like tell them and whatever, and that bitch will need to hire someone new. but then comes into mind,bryan, i need to talk about this with him, because if i quit, and he doesn't, then all of the hours are going to get piled on him, and i dont want that to happen. but its gonna look real bad if we both put in our two weeks at the same time. so i have no clue. i need to talk about it with bryan. later
today was long. i am exhausted,i saw an exploratory surgery today. the doggie had pancreatic cancer:(
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| poodie |
[09 Apr 2003|10:35pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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evan essence |
] |
. . W O U L D Y O U R A T H E R . . .*
1) pierce your nose or tongue? nose
2) be serious or be funny? depends
3) drink whole or skim milk? mmm whole
* . . . A R E Y O U . . .*
4) simple or complicated? complicated
* . . . D O Y O U P R E F E R . . . *
5) flowers or angels? flowers?
6) grey or gray? gray
7) color or black-and-white photos? black and white
8) lust or love? um no?
9) sunrise or sunset? sunset
10) M&Ms or Skittles? hmm skittles
11) rap or rock? rock
12) staying up late or waking up early? staying up late, no way in hell i wake up early willingly
13) TV or radio? TV
15) eating apples or oranges? oranges
* . . . A N S W E R T R U T H F U L L Y . . . *
16) Do you have a crush? no
17) Who is it? no one
* . . . D O Y O U P R E F E R . . . *
18) being hot or cold? cold
19) tall members of the opposite sex? sure
20) sun or moon? annie, you want things like the sun, and the moon, idiot.
21) emeralds or rubies? uh...?
22) left or right? right
23) having 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? one best friend
24) sun or rain? rain
25) vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? vanilla
26) boys or girls? boys
27) green beans or carrots? green beans
28) low fat or fat free? what? no fat? haha jk. uhh
* . . . M I S C E L L A N E O U S . . . *
29) What is your biggest fear in the world? being alone
30) Kids or no kids? nope
31) Cat or dog? thats a tough one.
32) Half empty or half full? uh half full, just cuz it makes more sense, not cuz of that dumb symbolism
33) Mustard or ketchup? ketchup, mustard-die
34) Hard cover books or soft cover books? soft
35) Newspaper or magazine? magazine
36) Sandals or sneakers? sneakers
37) Wonder or amazement? amazement
38) Red car or white car? red
39) Happy and poor or sad and rich? shut up, neither of those can happen
40) Singing or dancing? die
41) Hugging or kissing? with who
42) Corduroy or plain? depends
43) Happy or sad? rather be? happy
44) Purple or green? purple
45) Blondes, brunettes? brunettes
* . . . A B O U T Y O U . . . *
What time is it? 10:21 pm
Nicknames: beena, brina,lady,
Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake? 16
Date that you regularly blow them out? july3
Pets? 2 dogs, 2 cats, 4 birds,and babysitting a turtle :)
Height? 5'2
Eye color? brown
Hair color? brown
Piercing(s)? 2 in each ear
* . . . W H A T D O Y O U W A N T . . . *
Where do you want to live? i dunno
How many kids do you want? i duno
What kind of job do you want? wildlife rescuer
Do you want to get married? sure one day
* . . . W H I C H I S B E T T E R . . . *
2 doors or 4 (on a car)? 4
Coffee or ice cream? um depends what mood im in
Shampoo or conditioner? shampoo
Bridges or tunnels? tunnels
One pillow or two? one
* . . . W O R D A S S O C I A T I O N . . . * (first thing that comes to mind)
Rock? gray
Green? bean
Crying?tears
Peanut? cream
Roses? red
Summer? bright
Winter? snow
ยค * . . . F A V O R I T E S . . . *
Salad dressing? ranch
Color of socks? blue
Toothpaste? crest
Food? toooooo many
Toothbrush? what?
Alcoholic drink? nah
Non-alcoholic drink? coke, coffee, greeeeeeen teaaaa
Character? i dunno?
* . . . R A N D O M Q U E S T I O N S . . . *
When was your last hospital check-in? hospital? no...doctor for xray
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? workign with animals, and thats all i can see
Have you ever been convicted of a crime? nope
What do you do most often when you are bored? space out
Name the person that you live farthest from? christy now
Can you be in love with two people at the same time? sure its possible. never has happened to me before
do do do. saw bryan today yay. saw kristen too, she gav eme cool presents, so did bryan. today started out bad. cried my way to school. me and my damn love for animals.... got to school, school sucked. saw kristen though. uhhh...school sucks. do i mention how much i hate school? whatever. ok then saw bryan after school. that was fun. i love my kitty :) :( ok well im leaving now
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brina_star's journal